


lay your love down

by choicolatte



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2jae mutual pining, M/M, college christmas exchange gift au, jaebeom is just as in love tbh, youngjae is every which way whipped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21947785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choicolatte/pseuds/choicolatte
Summary: Love in the moonlight, the moment our gazes meet. In your eyes, my soul feels like a butterfly.{a sort of sequel/spin-off to my fic "just a question."}
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	lay your love down

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!! happy holidays my precious 2jaeists! idk what this is. it's REALLY long, but dividing it into two parts seems unnecessary.. 
> 
> i was just itching to write a holiday-themed 2jae fic before christmas, and look at me finishing during christmas eve! :) 
> 
> all my fics are related (the title and the summary lol) to a got7 song some way or another, and this one is particularly inspired by "your space," in their love loop album. all hail singer-songwriter lim jaebeom for another amazing song halellujah. 
> 
> oh, and like i mentioned in the summary - i based this fic around the au of my other 2jae fic, "just a question." this is sorta like a sequel to that? but you don't necessarily need to read the first one to understand what's happening here lol. 
> 
> onto the fic ^^

Youngjae was never the best in gift wrapping. He’d watch ten different youtube tutorials on how to wrap a gift that’s inside a _box_ , and he’d still have extra pieces sticking out with random cuts of tape to cover up the rips he had accidentally done on the printed Santa Claus face. Instead of stressing out on something that he should be excited for,, he trashed the used (and abused) gift wrapper in the bin, and set out to buy a cheap yet durable gift bag with a variety of colored tissue paper to make it look more effortful. 

He didn’t cheat the system, but he knew in the back of his head that if he had picked the person he wanted then that _must_ mean something, right? 

He was planning on giving him a Christmas gift nonetheless — the problem was that he didn’t know what Jaebeom wanted. After recruiting him to join their a capella group after that awkward yet fruitful interaction during the first week of the semester, Youngjae and Jaebeom had gotten a little bit closer with each other. 

And, of course, Jaebeom had befriended all of Youngjae’s friends in the organization to the extent that he has — so basically, Youngjae wasn’t any different. 

He didn’t think he was. He _wished_ , but sitting right next to the person (every day after a long session of classes) whose voice he had listened to so many times on repeat, and even subconsciously playing his songs to make him doze off to sleep, did not prove to be an easy feat. He wasn’t doing anything illegal, Jaebeom _knows_ he listens to his soundcloud uploads — it was literally the first thing they talked about upon bumping into each other. 

Either way, Youngjae’s tiny crush on “defsoul” aka Lim Jaebeom only grew even bigger after finding out that the man behind such an attractive and— not to mention— addicting voice belonged to _him_ whose looks and personality only made the blushing boy fall even harder. 

Youngjae’s attraction wasn’t in private, unfortunately, as Yugyeom had eventually caught onto the one-sided tension (it seemed) with his long-time friend, and Jaebeom who he had met through a lower division dance class a few semesters ago. He was happy to have found a new friend interested in both singing and dancing just like him — but Yugyeom was even happier to see Youngjae having his spirits lifted and his mood simultaneously glowing once Jaebeom had joined their a cappella team. 

Like a good friend, Yugyeom swore not to tell — or at least, not to make it obvious to the others that Youngjae had a special inkling with the new guy. He didn’t have any problems with keeping his mouth shut as Youngjae did all the slipping and making a fool out of himself anyway. 

But the moment Yugyeom handed him the box full of folded pieces of paper, shuffled it around and urged Youngjae with a glint in his eyes to pick, the latter didn’t hesitate which one to get. 

“Are you sure about that one, hyung?” Yugyeom tested him. Youngjae lifted the paper out of the box, hides it in his palms before giving it a light squeeze. As odd as it seemed, he had a feeling it was Jaebeom’s name written on there. 

“Stop it, Yugyeom,” Youngjae reprimanded the younger which only earned a chuckle from him. He had left to have the others choose their own, and so with nervous fingers he revealed the messily yet familiar writing on the crumpled surface of the paper. 

Youngjae couldn’t help but blush, and smile widely at the name he quietly read.

“Got what you wanted, hyung?” Yugyeom appeared next to him and the older jumped in his seat in surprise. 

“Yugyeom-ah!” Youngjae whined, slapping him by the shoulder playfully. Everyone else had started grabbing their belongings and making their way home, parting ways outside the building. Youngjae waited for Yugyeom to finish cleaning up a couple of things, saying goodbye to his friends until Jaebeom walks near the door. 

“Who did you get?” Jaebeom had asked.

“I think telling each other who we got defeats the purpose of the Secret Santa Exchange, hyung,” Youngjae had laughed, nudging him in the process. He really has a habit of touching people when he’s too excited or embarrassed. Although he tries to avoid doing so with Jaebeom, the nervousness in his veins prevent him from staying still. 

“You looked way too excited when you saw the name on your paper,” Jaebeom responded, one eyebrow up in suspicion. “I bet whoever you got would be delighted with your gift,” he added with a curl of his lips. 

_He was watching me?_ Youngjae subconsciously shook the thought away, the warmth in his cheeks presenting itself slowly but surely. He managed to show a shy smile in response as he looks down, unable to meet Jaebeom’s questioning gaze. “I—I hope he likes it, yeah.”

“Hyung, let’s bounce!” Yugyeom wrapped his arms around Youngjae’s shoulder, giving Jaebeom a tiny wave before dragging him and an out of breath Youngjae away from their club room. “We have some gift planning to do!”

“S-see you later, Jaebeom hyung!” Youngjae called out, turning his head to see Jaebeom laughing at their silly antics. He waved goodbye before walking the opposite way. 

“Hey, what was that for?” Youngjae demanded as he attempts to escape the younger’s grasp — to no avail. 

“Nothing, thought you might melt under Jaebeom hyung’s eyes so I had to save you,” Yugyeom snickered, stepping a few inches away from Youngjae in order to avoid himself getting hit once again. Youngjae decided against it not because of pity — but because of the embarrassment hitting him for acting way too shy towards Jaebeom.

Even after four months of getting to know each other, Youngjae had thought he’d get over his tiny crush over him quickly. He knew he was only enchanted due to the way he composed and sung his own written songs online, but the fact that he avoided trying to find out what he looked like all those months was a clear sign to him that he may as well just look like Youngjae’s type. He couldn’t believe his luck when literally bumping heads with the man in question, and Youngjae presumed it was probably the universe forcing him to finally look Jaebeom in the eye and confront his feelings for the guy. 

Well, he’s confronted it to himself — no such luck confessing to Jaebeom yet. 

Youngjae danced around the idea of giving Jaebeom a gift for the holidays as an implication of his own feelings, but he decided that it was too simple, too cheesy, and maybe even a little bit embarrassing for him. Besides, he had prepared separate gifts for all of his friends in the group, anyway, even though the purpose of the exchange program was to minimize extravagant spending from one another knowing how broke they all were in college. Youngjae just had an exceptionally good time with his friends this year, and he was better with showing how he felt through physical acts of affection — so it wouldn’t be _that_ weird to give Jaebeom a gift as well only after meeting him later that year, right?

He already had the individual gifts wrapped and ready (in gift bags), it was what Jaebeom listed for the exchange gift program that he still needed to buy extra bags for and one more packet of tissue paper. Yugyeom had already left the apartment for a couple of hours ago to meet up with different friends since the a cappella group had their own small and intimate holiday party at Jackson’s apartment in the evening. Finals week had passed, and everyone decided to stay for the weekend in order to get together one last time before spending the rest of the break with their families. 

Jaebeom had surprisingly agreed to a lot of the group’s antics over the course of four months upon joining the team. There hadn’t been any competitions yet since they all occur after the new year, so they bonded over after class practices, and late night Korean bbq and soju hangouts over at Blue Castle where students get 50% off their meals on Thursdays.

Youngjae didn’t pin Jaebeom to be such a _heavy_ eater, but he enjoyed the time spent getting to know him with the others, and catching a few glances over his happy and rose-tinted cheeks three soju shots in a row. 

They’d somehow always sit together or across from each other, and Youngjae has found comfort in Jaebeom like that. The older would bring him a couple of meat pieces on Youngjae’s plate, and the younger would do the same — except Jaebeom would be ready with his lips parted and his body inching closer to Youngjae. 

The first time he had been taken aback, dropping the beef right onto Jaebeom’s jeans instead. Everyone else was minding their own business, thankfully, but Youngjae felt his ears perk up and glow bright red but Jaebeom only chuckled. Picking it up with his chopsticks, Jaebeom urged it over to Youngjae instead, saying, “Five second rule, right?” 

His stomach hollowed but felt like it had ten bricks weighing it down at the same time. Youngjae blinked twice and did the first thing that came to mind: open his mouth just slightly. 

Jaebeom carefully placed the piece of meat inside, smiling wide at the sight of Youngjae blushing over their interactions. Jaebeom won’t admit it out loud, but he’s been wanting to do that ever since they started eating out with the group. Sometimes, he’s even tempted to ask Youngjae to have lunch with him— just the two of them, but that felt like reaching out of this unspoken boundary they had. 

Youngjae chewed the meat in the slowest manner possible, processing what just transpired but nevertheless not missing a beat by picking up another beef stripe with his chopsticks and lifting it up for Jaebeom to see. 

“That was supposed to be yours. So, here you go--not dropping it this time,” Youngjae muttered, swallowing his food. His hand was shaking just the slightest amount, but Jaebeom gracefully accepted his offer, even holding onto Youngjae’s wrist in the softest touch he can muster before taking a bite out of the meat. 

They shared a knowing smile, and returned to their own meals while joining into the group’s conversation. It was bizarre that no one— not even Yugyeom— had noticed and proceeded to tease the living crap out of Youngjae, but that was what he felt thankful for at that moment. Youngjae wanted to keep that memory of him and Jaebeom to himself, no matter how silly or awkward he was. Because during all the times they had gone out to eat after that one night, it only felt natural for him and Jaebeom to casually feed each other a piece of meat or two — and the others would begin to look, but never mention a word. 

Youngjae sighs in deep content as he reminisces over little details about Jaebeom that just made him adore the man even more. They haven’t gone out to eat together yet, but there have been times that the two of them were the first to arrive in the club room or the last to leave. 

On rare occasions, Youngjae would invite Jaebeom to the music room he had rented for the day in order to use the instruments and recording equipment in there. 

He hasn’t exactly shown him any songs he had recorded thus far, but Youngjae would ask for help on certain melodies he was working on. Jaebeom was always happy to oblige, even simultaneously working on harmonies with the younger. Youngjae found himself always looking away when they’d start harmonizing, the beating in his chest seemingly getting louder by the second he thought it would be heard if they had stopped singing. Jaebeom never minded Youngjae’s shyness, he was just grateful to share private moments like that with him recently. 

When Jaebeom had mentioned that he has his own makeshift studio space in his apartment, Youngjae’s mouth went agape and suddenly appeared overly excited as curious questions blurt out of him. Jaebeom didn’t hesitate to answer, even finding the right moment to ask if Youngjae just wanted to check it out for himself. In the end, Jaebeom was not able to do so, and Youngjae felt his heart drop when the conversation didn’t lead to him being invited over to see the studio for himself. 

Of course, stupid — why would he let you go to his studio that is _in_ his apartment? Youngjae scolded himself, frowning at the thought of not wanting to cross any boundaries with Jaebeom this early on knowing each other. 

Youngjae tried to come up with ideas that could potentially make them better and closer friends (and even more? Youngjae wishes hard for that.) as time went by, but nothing came out natural enough that wouldn’t raise suspicion over his plan. He had grown closer with the other members of the team in different ways, but with Jaebeom he couldn’t seem to act simple and nonchalant enough to keep the flow of their friendship going outside of being with the group. 

Youngjae is afraid that he’d slip up and ruin any chances of even staying as friends with Jaebeom, even end up quitting the team so any potential tension could be avoided — but Jaebeom didn’t seem to be the type of guy who’d suddenly act weird and distant when things get a little more complicated, did he?

Youngjae squirms in his place, shoving the last item he had bought for Jaebeom’s wishlist into the bag a little too forcefully. One of the tissue papers already scattered on top had ripped, so Youngjae had to take it out and crumple the other pieces a bit more to make it look like it was supposed to look that way. He stops thinking too hard for a second, making sure all his gifts are neatly tucked away underneath and nothing was peeking out of its hiding. 

He didn’t want to continue dwelling on his feelings for Jaebeom any longer, it only hindered his freedom in talking to the older without subconsciously overthinking every word he said, and every movement he made. Youngjae was just happy to have known him — plain and simple, and through the gifts he had bought as his Secret Santa, as well as his own personal present he hopes that Jaebeom understands how much he means to him. Without overstepping any boundaries that may be hidden in the sand. 

Thirty minutes before the party, and Youngjae had already arrived dressed in a comfortable forest green sweater with black jeans to match. His shoes were painted in a maroon hue, wanting to dress appropriately for the holiday spirit but not too overbearing either. Jackson had greeted him with a big, warm hug by the door — an ugly Christmas sweater donning his upper torso that Youngjae had to burst out his boisterous laugh for. Jackson had asked the group chat to help with a couple of decorations, but as expected everyone had responded with similar messages of being busy wrapping last minute gifts or picking out the right outfit except Youngjae who was all ready to go. 

“Thanks for coming earlier, Youngjae. I can always trust you,” Jackson sighed at their other friends’ betrayal, keeping Youngjae around his arm a few seconds more. He eyes the amount of gift bags Youngjae had grasped in his hands as his eyes widen in amusement. 

“Youngjae, you shouldn’t have! This year too?” 

“Well, yeah. I had to,” Youngjae admits shyly. “I always need to give everyone their own gift.”

“You’re just making everyone feel bad for resorting to doing Secret Santa,” Jackson pouts. 

“No, no — Secret Santa is a great idea. I just personally want to give everyone their own present.” 

“Can I open mine now, then?”

“No, hyung,” Youngjae shields himself away from an eager Jackson, placing all the gift bags on one side of the wall. Because of the size of college apartments, Jackson had to improvise and buy a small Christmas tree perfect to perch on top of his coffee table instead, and decided to decorate the leaves with pictures of their friends printed on polaroid films. A small green bird sits atop the tree with a star stuck on the center of its wing. 

“Did you make the bird yourself?” Youngjae comments, smiling at the cute arts and crafts creation you would think a six year old had done — that was a compliment to Jackson. 

“No, actually Jaebeom hyung had come by earlier to help out with a few decorations already! I was about to text you not to come early anymore, but I figured I’d want your company too anyway!” Jackson reveals sheepishly, a wide grin spreading across his visage as an attempt to be forgiven by Youngjae. 

“What? Jaebeom hyung is here?” Ignoring the fact that he could have stayed longer at his own apartment, nervously fiddling with the gifts he had for the man in question, Youngjae looks around the room to spot him. 

“Yeah, he’s been in the bathroom for a while now, though,” Jackson quips, walking over to the gift bags on the side. Youngjae swats his arm away, making a “tsk” sound while wagging his index finger in front of the older. “Later,” Youngjae chides with an instant chuckle. 

“Fine,” Jackson says, back hunched in defeat. “While you’re here, though, mind guarding the house for me? I have to pick up Jinyoung and Mark hyung at the bakery — they texted me and said our food is good to go.” 

“Wait, what? What do you mean?” 

“They said they couldn’t carry everything by themselves, and taking an Uber would cost more than making me drive over to pick them up,” Jackson explains, taking the keys out of his pocket before waving goodbye. “Just fill Jaebeom hyung in with the deets. Yugyeom and Bambam are coming in a little. See you!”

Just when Jackson closes the door, Jaebeom comes out of the bathroom, sharing a bewildered look with Youngjae in the living room. 

“Hi,” Youngjae manages to breathe out. 

“Hey,” Jaebeom mumbles, a paper towel drying the palms of his hand. He throws it in the bin, runs a hand through his black hair and approaches the younger. “Jackson left?”

“He did,” Youngjae composes himself. They’ve been in this situation before — the two of them, _alone_ , in a room. This isn’t any different than those times. “He’s picking up Jinyoung hyung, and Mark hyung from Petra’s, the bakery shop? We went to eat there one time when Blue Castle was too packed, and we were all too hungry to wait.” 

“Ah, yeah. I remember that place. Really good ham and cheese croissant,” Jaebeom comments, slipping his hands inside his sweatpant pockets. He’s dressed more simple, a baggy dark shirt over long sleeves that covered his hands and a gray pair of sweatpants to match. His nose ring twinkled underneath the light, and his hair looked to only be air dried with his bangs covering the side of his face. 

“Yeah, really--really good,” Youngjae echoes, shaking his head almost immediately at the lack of awareness he suddenly possessed after realizing he is left with Jaebeom in the apartment. They haven’t seen each other in a week because of finals, but they have messaged privately a couple of times just to offer support and encouragement with each other’s exams. Seeing Jaebeom after a week feels like Youngjae hasn’t seen him in a lifetime.

He missed looking at his face, stubble protruding underneath his lips if you concentrate more closely. Youngjae missed the scent Jaebeom emanated in the room, musk yet clean — something he would immediately recognize belonged to him. 

“How—how have you been? How were your exams?” Youngjae wills himself to talk, really just do _anything_ to not make it as eerily quiet as it already had been. In reality, it’s only been a minute since he had said something prior, but Youngjae’s body clock is ticking way too fast, and he feels he’s losing Jaebeom by every beat his heart is pounding in his chest. 

“Alright. My classes weren’t too hard this term, so I think I did pretty well. I mean, I hope so,” Jaebeom muses to himself. He sits on the couch and crosses his legs, making himself comfortable. His eyes urge Youngjae to do the same, and so with a gulp in his throat the younger follows suit. Only that he sits a considerable space away from the older. 

Jaebeom laughs. “Are you scared of me after not seeing each other for a week?”

“What? What do you mean?” Youngjae returns, eyebrows furrowed in his own confusion. He realizes how his butt wasn’t even fully seated on the couch, his bent knees struggling to keep his balance. “Sorry, I’m just… Sorry,” he blurts out, easing himself into the seat and moves a little closer to Jaebeom. 

“Hey, Youngjae-yah, you’re okay. You don’t have to be nervous around me.”

 _He noticed_ , Youngjae mulls over with a sad curl of his mouth. He really didn’t want to appear that way, Jaebeom just had an effect on him — especially after being deprived of his presence for so long. 

“I heard you still get everyone gifts despite this whole Secret Santa thing,” Jaebeom changes the subject smoothly, looking over at Youngjae. The younger silently thanks him, becoming more and more comfortable with himself so he responds, “Yeah, we started it a year ago, so it’s not like I haven’t been giving everyone gifts at all. I don’t think it’s a big deal — Christmas is a once a year occasion, might as well make the most out of it.” 

“That’s really sweet. Is it your favorite holiday?”

“Not necessarily,” Youngjae answers, his shoulders relaxing and his back gently resting against the plush surface of the couch. “It’s up there, but I really like New Year’s for some reason.” 

“Is it the fireworks?” Jaebeom suggest,a chuckle in his voice. “I wouldn’t have pinned you as the type of person to enjoy loud explosions.” 

"Touche, hyung,” Youngjae sticks his tongue out, pink creeping upon his cheeks at the mention of his very easily scared tendencies. “The fireworks are still pretty to look at, I usually have my ear muffs secured.”

“Very smart. But what’s the real reason?” 

“Nothing too special, really,” Youngjae trails off, debating whether to churn out a simple and straightforward answer or invite Jaebeom into his own reasons for the holiday being one of his favorites. He glances over to his side, and does not prepare himself for Jaebeom fully turned towards him. All Jaebeom’s attention on Youngjae. All on him. 

“I just… I like new beginnings, starting anew. It gives me hope that there is always room to grow, and I can leave the pain I’ve endured in the past, and focus more on better things out there for me. I guess, something like that,” Youngjae stutters, eyes never leaving Jaebeom’s curious gaze on him. 

Thinking that he was bound to look away, Youngjae only finds himself staring back at Jaebeom whose lips had curled into a small smile while he was spewing his thoughts out into the air. His heart continues to soar at how attentive Jaebeom is whenever someone is talking to him, and Youngjae couldn’t believe his luck to be with him at this very moment, just the two of them. 

“Very poetic, very you,” Jaebeom mutters under his breath that Youngjae had to focus on hearing. He blushes at the compliment, ruffling his thick hair out of habit. “I just like looking back at past memories and seeing how much it has shaped me— for better or for worse. And when the new year comes, I have this sense of drive to try letting go of inhibitions, and explore further beyond what I already have.” 

“Isn’t that what everyone feels the first week of the new year, and then it just spirals down from there?” Jaebeom jokes, snickering at Youngjae’s proceeding frown. 

“I’m kidding. I know you feel differently,” he offers instead, arms raised up to support the back of his head. Jaebeom rarely felt a hair of nerves whenever he’s talking to Youngjae— he likes how _freeing_ it was to be next to him, and just listening to his thoughts come out alive. Whether it would be his observations on their vocal practices, his ideas for certain chord changes on his “mysterious song,” or like right now — when he’s asked a simple question, and only answers with honesty and pride. 

Youngjae had always been a klutz as Jaebeom was a witness to this the very first time they found each other, but in his words Jaebeom finds a certain comfort, and security. As he trusts Youngjae is always honest with him, always making it known that he does feel a little nervous around his company, but he revels in their conversations nonetheless. 

“How about you, hyung? What’s your favorite holiday?” Youngjae snaps him back to the present. Jaebeom blinks away his thoughts, smiling to himself as he thinks of a reply. He never really thought about his preferred holiday, they seemed to all be the same to him— a day of from class, a lot of food to eat, and just crowds of people you’re not really sure are pretending to be _joyful_ or are genuine with their intentions. 

“Any holiday with food is a good holiday to me,” Jaebeom responds. Youngjae chuckles wholeheartedly, not anticipating something of the sort. 

“Then us eating out for Korean barbecue is a holiday to you?” 

Jaebeom only nods in agreement, and Youngjae continues to laugh even harder. It really isn’t that funny, Jaebeom ponder to himself, but he feels the pride invigorating his senses for making Youngjae laugh like that so easily.

It’s only been half an hour, but Youngjae swears they have only been talking for ten minutes tops but Yugyeom and Bambam have finally arrived at the apartment. Youngjae wishes he has time to talk to Jaebeom in private like that before they all leave tonight, he wants to see his reaction when opening his own personal gift to him. 

They chill around the place, complimenting and teasing the decorations put up in Jackson’s absence, but when Youngjae points out that half of them were done by Jaebeom the two youngest in the room suddenly squirm in their places. The gift pool has grown in bags and unruly wrapped boxes (Bambam was proud enough to state it was his), and they were all ready for the others to come back and start the party. 

“Was it just the two of you guys while Jackson hyung is out?” Bambam asks nonchalantly, grabbing a cookie from the tray he had brought for the potluck and popping it into his mouth. Yugyeom eyes Youngjae subtly, a small smirk playing on his lips. 

Youngjae doesn’t catch this as he easily responds, “Yeah. Jaebeom hyung and I were alone until you guys came in.” 

“Oh, you were?” Yugyeom inserts himself in the conversation. Youngjae doesn’t flinch, determined to keep his face as neutral as Yugyeom hates for it to be. Jaebeom is busy setting up the kitchen with paper plates and cups, and Bambam has already forgotten his previous inquiry as he entertains himself with his phone. 

“Did something… finally happen?” Yugyeom nudges the older’s shoulder roughly. Youngjae shakes his head no, shushing him for chances of being eavesdropped on. “Nothing is happening, Yugyeom,” Youngjae whispers sharply. 

“That was the perfect time to tell him you like him! C’mon, hyung, you can’t be that blind,” Yugyeom protests. 

“It most definitely was _not_ the perfect time,” Youngjae sighs, suddenly feeling defeated by the mention of his hopeless attraction towards Jaebeom. “What if he turns me down? Sure, he won’t think of it too much but what about me? I can’t live past that embarrassment, Yugyeom.” 

“Wow, you really _are_ blind,” Yugyeom states, poking Youngjae’s forehead with his two fingers. “I swear on my own two legs that he likes you just as much. If not, then I’m losing my own mobility over you and hyung’s _inability_ to just kiss—” 

“We’re here!” Jackson’s voice shouts over the door. Feeling relieved, Youngjae glares over at Yugyeom one last time before standing up and opening the door for the remainder of their friends, food in hand. The party has officially started, and Youngjae continues to pierce his gaze through Yugyeom which helped shut his mouth about a particular subject he didn’t want anyone to hear about right now. 

Yugyeom eventually agrees in silence, even hugging Youngjae from the back as a form of apology for maybe stepping out of line. The older pats him on the head, needing to tiptoe so he could reach it. Jackson captures the moment, bringing out his Polaroid camera to commemorate one of the many memories they were going to make tonight.

They feast over baked goods, and other delicacies Jackson had picked up along the way, and conversed through their meals. Youngjae sits next to Jaebeom this time, but the table is so compact and tight that their arms are touching every so often. They talk like normal, Yugyeom minding his own food and only looking over his friend a couple of times to see him not be conscious of himself. It was a fun, and peaceful dinner with beloved friends. 

After finishing up, they all played rock-paper-scissors to single out the person cleaning up their mess. In the end, Mark had become the loser and Bambam had lost it while laughing on the ground. Mark challenged the younger for a battle between themselves, and if he won then Bambam would have to be on clean-up duty with him. Scoffing at the bet, Bambam dusted off his hands and prepared his victory, and Mark’s surrender.

Bambam picked up the trash bag and started wiping the table as Mark washed the dishes. 

“Now that our two amazing volunteers have finished cleaning up the place,” Jackson snickers at the word _volunteer_ , but before Mark and Bambam could interrupt he continued, “It’s time for our Secret Santa Exchange!” 

It went randomly, with Jackson picking up a gift bag or a wrapped box on the corner and reads off the name of the receiver. Their tradition was to only write the name of the person you’re giving it to, and revealing yourself at the party. Youngjae had separated his own gifts to the side, so that they wouldn’t get jumbled with the Secret Santa ones. 

The others had received their gifts, and some have laughed at the absurdity of the exchanges (like Jackson giving Jinyoung a matching ugly sweater and pants that was _not_ on his wishlist, but a small addition you would expect from him) until it came to only Youngjae and Jaebeom not being called yet. 

“You guys picked each other? I smell cheating,” Yugyeom teases. 

“You facilitated the name picking that day, they can only cheat if it was through you,” Jinyoung points out. Everyone laughs in agreement with Yuygeom crossing his arms in defiance. Youngjae squeezes his knee for comfort— for Yugyeom and himself, really. Jackson picks up his gift for Jaebeom first, and his heart drops to the ground. 

“Thank you, Youngjae-yah,” Jaebeom says first, glancing over at the blushing boy. He sets it aside and waits for Jackson to pick up the last gift. Everyone looks at him until he asks, “What’s wrong?”

“You have to open it, hyung! That’s the rule,” Bambam whines, even more excited for his gift than the receiver. 

“Youngjae hyung’s gifts are always the best— so we want to see too!” Yugyeom adds. Jackson protests in the background, something about his ugly holiday sweater topping everyone’s presents this year. Jaebeom gives in, taking out the tissue paper before revealing what was inside. 

“Wow, Youngjae-yah. You got me everything I asked for,” Jaebeom breathes out, taking each item for everyone to see. A bucket hat, and a vinyl of an album that Jaebeom had been looking for ages. They all marvel over Youngjae’s accurate gift giving ability, praising him for his dedication. Jaebeom puts them all back inside the bag, urging Jackson to give Youngjae what he got for him. 

Jaebeom looks over to the younger, a hopeful smile showing his gratitude once more. Youngjae nods slightly before grabbing the box designed very minimalistically— a soft baby blue wrapping paper with snowflakes scattered around. Youngjae rips the tapes around the edges and carefully unfolds the gift. In it he finds two identical blankets, one for the size of a small dog, and one for a human. He sees a rectangular material enclosed in plastic and sees a simple yet sleek mouse pad underneath. Apart from that, a longitudinal case is tucked on the side, and Youngjae zips it open to find a pair of metal chopsticks resting inside. 

Youngjae only asked for the dog blanket and a new mousepad. 

“You asked for a lot of things this year, hyung,” Yugyeom mentions in jest.

“He only listed the dog blanket, and the mouse pad. Everything else was just on me,” Jaebeom answers for him simply. Yugyeom’s eyes twinkle in the light as he notices Youngjae keeping his smile in check. After a beat, Jackson concludes the gift giving part of their party and proceeds to take as many pictures as he can of all of them. 

They finish up the celebration after many Polaroid shots, maybe one or two soju bottles for non-designated drivers, and Youngjae finally giving his share of gifts to everyone else. They say their goodbyes, Mark and Jinyoung riding in the car with Bambam and Yugyeom. 

“Will you be back in the apartment tonight, hyung?” Yugyeom asks Youngjae. Not really thinking too much about his question, Youngjae nods carefully. “Yeah, of course. We’re both leaving for the train tomorrow morning, right? I still have my stuff to pack.” 

“Just asking.” 

With that, the four of them leave the apartment. Youngjae and Jaebeom finish up the last of the used gift wraps and tissue paper into the trash bin, and Jackson thanks them for staying late again. 

“I'll miss you guys so much, you know that?” He tears up with his words. “I’m glad I got to meet you this year, Jaebeom hyung. Don’t ghost us in the new year, you hear?”

Jaebeom laughs. “I won’t. Safe flight tomorrow, Jacks.” 

“Tell your parents I said hi, hyung!” Youngjae reminds him, hugging his teary eyed friend one last time. Youngjae had just realized that Yugyeom had already left in Bambam’s car, and so he needed to call a ride back to the apartment. Jackson offered to drive him home, until he realized that Jaebeom actually drove to his place. 

The thought of joining Jaebeom in his car wrecked Youngjae’s mind. He’s never been in his car before, but also he did still want to see Jaebeom’s reaction to his gift. Once leaving the apartment, Jaebeom walks to his car parked around the corner with Youngjae following suit. 

“Do you mind me hitching a ride, hyung?” 

“Not at all,” Jaebeom reassures him, unlocking his car and opening the back seat. 

He misses a beat, thinking that he was supposed to sit in the back of Jaebeom’s car. Awkwardly doing so, Youngjae slides himself in until Jaebeom grabs his arm softly. 

“Oh, you can sit in the front with me, Youngjae-yah. We can just put the gifts in the back seat.”

“I—I know what you meant,” Youngjae excuses, feeling even more stupid by misinterpreting his intentions. Jaebeom starts the engine, pulling out of the parking lot and began to cruise on the street. It was still early December, but the weather has welcome the chilly breeze into the wind. 

The clock is just about to strike nine, but the outside already looks pitch dark save for the lights of the establishments and decorated houses they pass by. Youngjae rests his head against the window and hears the faint hum of the radio emitting inside the car. 

Youngjae listens closer and recognizes the lyrics to the song. 

“Oh. oh! This is—this is that band you wanted a vinyl for! The one I got you,” Youngjae says excitedly.

“You listened to them?”

“Of course, you’ve mentioned them a couple of times so I was familiar with the name even before looking at your wishlist.” 

“Very observant of you, Youngjae-yah.”

There he goes again: complimenting Youngjae as if it was the easiest and most natural thing in the world for Jaebeom. It wasn’t as if he didn’t like it, hell, Youngjae can listen to him say pleasantries to his ear all day long— he just didn’t think he deserved any of them. 

“You should say that about yourself, too, hyung,” Youngjae quips quietly. “You gave me a blanket that matches Coco’s. Not to mention the pair of chopsticks I’ve always wanted!” 

“You’re the only person I know who breaks their chopsticks while eating Korean barbecue. You needed something indestructible,” Jaebeom reasons out, stopping the car for a red light. “So you better use them from now on,” he adds, turning his head to see Youngjae looking down and playing with his fingers. 

Jaebeom _almost_ reaches over, but the light flashes green in an instant and he had to keep driving. 

“I’ll take care of them for you, hyung,” Youngjae promises, getting tired of keeping his hands busy to himself. He really wants to bring up wanting to see Jaebeom’s reaction to his own gift, but Youngjae doesn’t know how to say it without stuttering his feelings for him. He realizes that they are almost nearing the end of the destination, but Jaebeom keeps going straight from the street where Youngjae and Yugyeom’s apartment was located. 

“Hyung, we missed—” 

“I know. I couldn’t really stop to ask this, but do you want to stop by and hang out at my place for a little bit?”

Youngjae’s chest strickens to its core, and he had to look up and ask him to repeat himself. 

Jaebeom suddenly feels like a fool for assuming he’d be okay with it. Sighing in regret, he says, “I’m sorry. I’ll bring us back to your place. I didn’t want to impose—”

“No, no. It’s okay, I want to. I—I’ve been meaning to ask about your studio, anyway. And, um, also I kind of… wanted to see what you think of my gift for you,” Youngjae sputters out loud, wanting nothing more than to be asked by Jaebeom the very question he just did. He didn’t want to seem _too_ enthused, but his lack of reaction already made Jaebeom assume that this was not something he can consent to at all. 

“I want to be with you— in your apartment, I mean. We can hang out there… or something.” Youngjae says lamely, mentally thumping his forehead for letting his mouth do all the talking and his mind not thinking whatsoever. He decides to just listen to the music filling the sound of the heater. Jaebeom hums along to the music, occasionally noticing Youngjae closing his eyes. When he thinks he’s falling asleep, Youngjae opens them again and give himself a small grin, complimenting some aspect of the song from the lyrics to the blending of the voices in the background. 

They finally reach Jaebeom’s apartment complex, his unit situated on the fourth floor. Jaebeom brings the unopened gift bag from the backseat, and proceeds to go into the elevator with Youngjae. He guides the way to his door, opening it with the key and letting Youngjae go in first. 

“My housemate had already left for the break, so it’s only me— and you, I guess.” 

Like that helped Youngjae out with his nerves, but he walks in with soft footsteps nonetheless. The living room was dark, so Jaebeom had to instruct him to walk further down and open the door to his right. He does so, feeling for a light switch on the wall until he finds it, brightening up the room that was more compact than he imagined. Youngjae had thought this was Jaebeom’s room, but the lack of a mattress and a closet proved it otherwise. A desktop sits in the corner, and recording equipment is organized neatly on the side. 

It was Jaebeom’s studio. 

“Welcome to the studio, where the magic of _defsoul_ happens,” Jaebeom introduces him, extending his arm for emphasis. Jaebeom explains that there are three rooms in the unit, two of them being his and the house mate’s personal bedroom. They were debating over renting the third space for a lower price due to its size, but Jaebeom had asked if he can just use it for his own personal studio. As long as he paid the additional price for it, the house mate agreed. 

“It’s nothing much yet. I have some more ideas for decoration, but so far all I need to record songs are here,” Jaebeom walks to the table where his microphone is placed, the pop filter taken out. He has a midi keyboard to the right, and an open notebook with scribbles that Youngjae couldn’t decipher from afar. 

Youngjae suddenly feels invasive, being inside Jaebeom’s own private space that the older had mentioned to him he rarely lets anyone in. It’s a space for him to think and feel freely, he had shared to Youngjae once in the music room— too much movement in his studio, and he feels too crowded and noisy. Youngjae empathizes with him as he, himself, uses one of the music rooms in the department in order to calm himself down and rearrange his thoughts. 

“I’m sorry for intruding,” Youngjae mutters. “I know you mentioned this is kind of like your sacred place…”

“I was just being poetic,” Jaebeom muses. “I’ve been meaning to bring you here for a while now.”

“Really?” Youngjae couldn’t believe his ears. 

Jaebeom nods, scratching the back of his neck. “I mean, you’ve invited me over during your sessions in the music room. I feel it was just fair to you to bring you here. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t have, I just didn’t want to seem creepy.” 

“You’re not creepy, Jaebeom hyung,” Youngjae exhales, shaking his head. “I’m glad you trust me enough.” Youngjae continues to look through the simple yet sleek layout of the place, wishing that he could have his own room like so soon enough. He notices a string of LED light surrounding the corner of the recording equipment, and he finds the switch to turn it on. Jaebeom gives him the go signal, and Youngjae then marvels over the changing colors in a linear fashion along the desk, making that space of the room glow even more. 

“You like it?” 

“Yeah, this is really cool, hyung.”

“You can come over any time you’d like,” Jaebeom suggests. “You can even record a song here or something. I promise I’d leave you alone until you’re done, though,” he vows, bringing both of his hands up. 

“Ask me again in the new year, and I promise I’m showing you one of my songs,” Youngjae tells him, feeling brave enough to finally let Jaebeom in by sharing one of his songs to him. Jaebeom stops and turns to the younger, grins with his eyes. “I’m holding you onto that.”

Youngjae tries to move on, increasingly feeling hotter inside the room. The heater wasn’t even on, but Youngjae is feeling the thickness of his sweater sticking to his skin. As if on cue, Jaebeom lifts off his sweater his baggy shirt and reveals the thin fitting long sleeves he was wearing underneath. Youngjae gulps, not wanting to seem like he was ogling at the sight of Jaebeom stripping for him— even if that wasn’t necessarily the case. 

“Can I open my gift now?” Jaebeom offers, grabbing the gift bag from the floor.

“Yeah, yeah, please do!” Youngjae answers back quickly, not wanting to seem preoccupied by what just transpired. Jaebeom shoves the tissue paper aside, revealing a CD case and a small pin wrapped in a decorative mesh like pouch. Jaebeom examines the smaller gift first, taking it out to see two medium-sized pins: one is an image of a palm tree, and the other of a black cat with its paw up as if it was licking it. 

“Youngjae-yah, where’d you get this?” Jaebeom asks. Youngjae stays silent, urging him to look at the other gift as well. Complying with his request, Jaebeom takes out the CD case with a familiar cover art on the front. It was what he used for his soundcloud songs online, the only difference is the name “defsoul” printed on the side and a little palm tree embedded on the corner. He flipped the case over and saw the list of songs he had uploaded in order. Jaebeom opens the case, a CD with a similar design from the cover art displayed on the front. Squinting his eyes, Jaebeom notices a tiny name imprinted on the side: _from Ars_. 

“‘Ars?’” 

“That’s me.”

“Your soundcloud handle?” Jaebeom was about to open up his computer and search Youngjae’s profile once and for all, but Youngjae’s laugh prevents him from taking any action further.. 

“I can’t believe you’re more excited about finding out my soundcloud profile than what I got you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just— I’m overwhelmed,” Jaebeom speaks quietly, glossing his fingers over the CD as well as the pins that were intricately designed to his liking. 

“For the pins, I had Bambam design the palm tree and the cat. I was going to pay it for him, but he insisted. He did ask me what they were for, but I never told him. I, then, found a shop that printed these kinds of things and went on from there. As for the CD, I’m sorry I couldn’t get you a vinyl record of your mixtape,” Youngjae explains, feeling more and more small in his spot as Jaebeom continues to graze his touch on his gifts. “I didn’t anticipate it being so expensive to make your own, so I opted for a CD instead. Kind of outdated, I know, but I thought it’d be nice to have a physical copy of your songs somewhere— I mean, I’m sure you have them on a USB or something—” 

“Youngjae-yah.”

“Hmm?”

“You’re so cute, you know that?”

“I’m what?” Youngjae stutters, not prepared to hear those words come out of Jaebeom’s lips. He wanted him to be happy about the gifts, sure, but Youngjae didn’t really think ahead of what would happen _after_ opening said presents. Youngjae wasn’t prepared for him to be in Jaebeom’s studio, either, so a lot of things he needed to improvise with tonight--but Jaebeom calling him _cute_? That was not in Youngjae’s plan. 

“The way you talk about things, the way you stutter and keep going when you’re nervous— it’s really cute. I wish you didn’t get nervous around me anymore, though, but I can’t deny that I like seeing you like that,” Jaebeom continues, placing the CD and pins next to the notebook on the desk. “Tell me if I’m stepping out of any boundaries between the two of us.”

“I… I didn’t know we had boundaries. I mean, I always thought— I didn’t…” Youngjae trails off, groaning in annoyance for his own incoherence. He couldn’t seem to look Jaebeom in the eye any longer, his own focusing on anything other than the man standing before him. 

“I like you, Jaebeom hyung,” Youngjae breathes out. His eyes wander everywhere, but they end up falling back into Jaebeom’s curious gaze. With the ever changing hues of the LED lights behind him, Youngjae couldn’t quite decipher what the older’s expression was at the moment. Even still, he heaved a deep breath and decided that now is the time to just let it all out, no matter how stupid or nonsensical he will sound like. 

“I wanted to give you a gift that meant something. Getting you for Secret Santa was just a lucky coincidence, but I was excited to be able to give you a lot of things for the party… I didn’t want to seem too eager, but I had the means to get you everything you wanted, so I did,” Youngjae was skirting around the bush, unable to find the right words to explain himself a little bit more than just a childish “I like you.” There was much _more_ to it than that, Youngjae needed Jaebeom to know what about him he found so interesting, so comforting, and so secure— no matter the times he stuttered his sentence, and no matter the moments he’d try avoiding his touch. 

Because eventually, Youngjae falters under him. Eventually, Youngjae feels the warmth in Jaebeom’s smile, and he laughs with him. Talks to him as if time never passed. Looks at him with a glint of the moonlight shining in his eyes, hoping to find the same emotions pooling within Jaebeom. 

“Youngjae-yah, do you mind looking up?” Jaebeom asks, stepping a bit closer to Youngjae. They were still an arm’s length apart, but Youngjae can feel the tension sparking in the gap of their bodies. His hands start to ball into fists, balancing himself from the dizziness occurring in his head. 

Nevertheless, he does what he is told, looking up at a bare ceiling. 

“What’s there to look at?”

“A mistletoe,” Jaebeom hints, one step closer. 

“There isn’t any up there?” Youngjae sucks in a breath, willing himself to stand still.

“Yeah, but if there was, would you look down at me and—” 

Jaebeom doesn’t finish his sentence and only waits for Youngjae’s answer. The younger slowly brings his gaze back to him, their faces only inches away from each other now. Jaebeom’s eyes fluttered towards Youngjae’s parted lips, they look red and plump and Jaebeom is crazy about locking his own into them. 

Youngjae eases his fists and opens up his palms, instinctively grabs onto the loose side of Jaebeom’s shirt to regain his balance. He hitches a breath, the warm air touching Jaebeom’s cheeks. He wants to feel them, run his fingers across his chin, reaching up to the side of his face, his two moles resting above his eyelids. Youngjae doesn’t flinch when Jaebeom grabs his left hand and guides Youngjae’s fingertips on the features of his face that the younger had just imagined. 

Their thoughts were in sync, breathing falling in and out at the same time. The lights behind Jaebeom faded into the background becoming a blur to Youngjae’s sight; as all he can see is Jaebeom closing his eyes and closing into his lips. 

His hands now steadying themselves on Jaebeom’s shoulders, Youngjae kisses back softly at first — not wanting to appear too desperate, too impatient, but just enough push to make known his yearning. Jaebeom finds his hands sliding around the younger’s waist, squeezing it just a pinch as his lips continue kissing into him. They warm each other up, bodies colliding with the intensity of every kiss, and every pull of Jaebeom’s hair on the back of his neck. 

Youngjae feels lightheaded, mustering all his energy into feeling Jaebeom’s lips exploring every corner of his own, not missing any spot. They stay kissing each other with the gentlest caress for what seemed like forever, but time didn’t matter— they had so much of each other to offer. Jaebeom tries to bring Youngjae even closer, breaking apart the kiss to look at the younger’s flustered expression, eyes still closed shut and mouth suddenly wavering, thinking what he did was wrong. Jaebeom brings his hands inside Youngjae’s sweater, surprisingly cold fingers pressing down on his warm skin. 

Youngjae shudders for a moment, about to open his eyes but Jaebeom plants soft pecks around his face. He kisses the eye mole he’d always find himself admiring on Youngjae, he caresses his cheeks tinted red with his lips meant to meet Youngjae’s skin this way. Jaebeom couldn’t get enough, his lips longing to be back with Youngjae’s once more. 

He grips onto Youngjae’s exposed waist a bit harder this time, expressing his need for contact with the younger. Youngjae lets out a soft and breathy moan against their kiss which fueled Jaebeom’s urge even more, letting his tongue out, the pounding in his chest overbearing his ears. 

Youngjae moves perfectly with Jaebeom, letting each other feel what they have been harboring in secret. It may not have been that long since they met, but Youngjae feels he’s known Jaebeom for a lifetime, in another universe, and now that they’ve gotten to grace each other with their presence in _this_ reality, Youngjae doesn’t want to let him go anymore. 

“Hyung,” Youngjae mumbles, breathless, heart racing and mind reeling from the touch of Jaebeom’s lips on his. The steady grasp of Jaebeom’s strong hands on his waist. He feels every nerve, every subtle shift in caress from him, and he is in deep content and yet he longs for more. 

“Yeah, Jae?” Jaebeom blurts out in a flurry, his eyes hazy and dark from the intensity of their actions. Youngjae blushes at the sudden nickname, but doesn’t correct him. He nuzzles his head against the older’s shoulder instead, kissing exposed skin near his collarbone. 

“Is this too sudden?” His voice muffled, Youngjae couldn’t bring himself to look just yet. 

“I’m not sure. Is it against the rules of the club to date another member?” 

“No,” Youngjae chuckles at the silly thought. Jaebeom slips one hand out of the confines of Youngjae’s sweater as he cups the younger’s cheek to lift his face up. Finding worried eyes, Jaebeom kisses the pout on Youngjae’s visage. 

“Then, we’re just going the right pace.” 

“Does this mean we’re dating now?” 

“I haven’t even said I liked you too, Jae,” Jaebeom tests him, a playful smile etched on his face. Youngjae blinks at him, realizes he was right and tries wiggling out of the older’s grasp. To no avail, he punches his chest lightly, the pout making its way back on his lips. “Then, stop kissing me like that, hyung!”

“Jae, I really, really fucking like you,” Jaebeom says, looking into Youngjae’s eyes. 

He is taken aback, fist uncurling and hand now resting on Jaebeom’s chest. He doesn’t know if it’s his imagination playing tricks on him, but Youngjae swears he can feel the hard thumping of the older’s heart within its chambers. 

“Can you feel my heart beating fast for you?” 

“Okay, hyung. First, the mistletoe and now this— you can’t be throwing out corny jokes in one night,” Youngjae whines. 

“Well, why don’t you make me shut up,” Jaebeom purrs, and Youngjae feels a flip in his stomach. 

This time, he initiates the kiss. Slow but deep, and Jaebeom had to bring back his grip on the younger’s side as their lips pressed together with their need growing more for each other. Youngjae can get used to this, having Jaebeom all to himself in his studio and making out in the middle of it. 

They’re going to take it slow, as heated and passionate their kisses have gotten as the night went on. They don’t regret revealing their feelings that way, maybe it was for the best as Jaebeom admitted he wanted to kiss him even in the car. They had to tell the others eventually, but another night of just the two of them wouldn’t hurt to keep it for themselves. 

Youngjae did think of texting Yugyeom he wouldn’t be going back to the apartment, and that he might miss his train ride tomorrow and just book another one. Jaebeom suggested he doesn’t, knowing that Yugyeom have probably surmised what had happened after leaving the party earlier. 

At this point, Youngjae didn’t care anymore. There wasn’t any point to hiding it.

He said his favorite holiday was New Year’s, but he declares that this day— when the moonlight glows bright outside the studio’s window, and Jaebeom’s face illuminates like that of an angel to Youngjae—can somewhat make its way into his list. He’s still looking forward to the new year to come as he knows Jaebeom is there embracing it with him. 

**Author's Note:**

> WELL, I HOPE THAT WAS SOMEWHAT OKAY. i feel like i left all my writing ability back in college once winter break started lmfao. oh well. scraps for 2jae hfhfhf 
> 
> [follow me on twt and talk to my lonely ass @crescentars]
> 
> happy holidays to y'all celebrating!!! if you're on break from school, pls have a good rest and take lots of time to relax!!


End file.
